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Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with bitterness? Specifically bitterness about organized church? |
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I think this is a process that people have to go through, and it's one that we've been on over the last few years.
here are a couple of things that have helped us and things that we've learned on this journey of letting go:
1. If we follow Jesus, we have no rights...
2. Separate the people from the institution, the people are God's church, the institution is the mess we've made of it.
3. Love the church(it is the people), and pray for it/them.
4. If it is certain people that have hurt you(knowingly or not), call them by name out loud and forgive them...
5. Understand that we WILL be hurt, dissapointed, let down, and walked on by people(Jesus told us to expect that but to love anyway)
6. Understand that I am not innocent in this...I have certainly hurt, dissapointed, let down, and walked on people whether knowingly or not. |
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This got started because I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is pagan. We got on the discussion of how a lot of atheists seem to be so bitter and angry about religion. Then she told me that her husband is an atheist and now and then he gets into a rant about religion is a poison, and there is no God/goddess, etc. She told me that she keeps telling him that not believing in God/ Goddess is one thing, but he needs to ditch the bitterness.
It got me thinking about how people in general are angry with God/church/Christianity anymore. People are angry about the Catholic church and the problem with the priests. The church population in general seems to be in serious decline. Back in the 70's, it seemed like church was supposed to be a cure-all... if you believe hard enough, you'll become rich, happy, and have a great family. Or is that how church has always been portrayed? Is that why we still try to put on our "church faces" when we walk into those buildings? Pretend like everything is fine and life is just dandy? Has those few hours every Sunday morning become D&D to the churched? A place to forget what's actual reality and role play like we wish our life was perfect? Do we become bitter when church (not God) fails to live up to our expectations?
I'm bitter. Seriously bitter. I think I was looking for a way to get rid of the bitterness, but now I think it will always be there. Like someone who's been an alcoholic and turned to AA. It will always be there... I just have to learn to live around it and maybe some day I realize that it's not as bad as it used to be. |
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| Christy Krabach wrote
I'm bitter. Seriously bitter. I think I was looking for a way to get rid of the bitterness, but now I think it will always be there. Like someone who's been an alcoholic and turned to AA. It will always be there... I just have to learn to live around it and maybe some day I realize that it's not as bad as it used to be.
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Forgiveness is the antithesis of bitterness...if we are bitter it is because we haven't forgiven either someone or something. Jesus in you is the only thing that can forgive and get rid of bitterness. Bitterness or unforgiveness is a part of our old nature(as is all sin). Our old nature has been crucified with Christ and it is no longer alive. When we sin, we are behaving in a way that is contrary to our new nature, which is the very nature of Christ. Even though the old nature is dead we tend to still live as though it is alive. The old nature is what gets offended by being hurt, which leads to bitterness as a result of harboring unforgiveness. If we are then dead to sin, how then can we be offended by anyone or anything? How hard is it to offend a dead person?
I'm not saying that any of this is easy. It is very hard to come to grips with the fact that if we follow Jesus we have given up OUR rights to everything. I would encourage you to think and pray about what the root of all of this is coming from. I'm assuming you already know what it is(but maybe not). There is no magic pill, but taking your hands off of the bitterness and with it your RIGHT to hold onto it is a huge first step in allowing Jesus to BE your ability to forgive. As you said in your post, you can't get rid of it(so it's a good thing it isn't up to you to do it), only Jesus in you can do that.
As Paul said to the church in Ephesis:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." |
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I believe I can shed some light on your post, at least I hope to. I have spoken to a lot of people who do not have a personal relationship with Christ, included the atheist. A small percentage (15%) harbors a deep anger toward God. Almost all of the angry ones believed at one time in a higher power. Their anger is mostly due to God not saving their loved one or to get back at someone who believes in God. The other 85% Atheist truly feel that God is unbelievable or closer to unconceivable for that matter. Many of them are very intelligent. So we are not talking about ignorance, although there are some are. Many Atheists have searched God only from the logical side of the search. Most often there has been little or no discovery from the biblical side. Logic tells them you cannot believe in something you cannot touch, see or outwardly hear. It makes perfect sense.
While speaking to them I have found a major concern for me. The Atheist who are asking about God are finding most Christians, 1) cannot articulate in a believable way that God is alive and or 2) will not spend the time required to teach them about God. Now # 2 means developing a relationship with them. Instead many would prefer the shoving it down their throat technique or ignoring them altogether. Here is the concern, Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment, to which he told us to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves. If we cannot explain who God is, do we love Him with all our heart? I think not. If we are not willing to spend time with our troubled neighbors, do we love them as we do ourselves? Again, I think not.
And about the issues of the church. The church has been around for hundreds of years and complaining about the church has been around just about the same amount of time. A healthy church can be a wonderful encounter; an unhealthy church is a horrific experience especially if we are unwilling to do anything about it. It is much like our own health, when we feel good, life is great. But when we are sick life is horrid. In my opion religion and an unhealthy church can be a poison. We see it in legalism all the time.
Bitterness is a tough subject. Defeating bitterness can be a growing experience. It was for me. It is also hard. Without going into details, I had to deal with it because it was leading me down a destructive path. Just some observations I have made for myself. Bitterness may not be the best word to describe what you are feeling. We say bitterness in the same way we say ok, meaning, it is generic. We say bitterness to describe other words which may be harsher but closer to the way we feel. Dig deeper into your soul and really figure out why you are bitter. It is my belief God doesn’t want us to be bitter. I don’t think it is healthy much less biblical.
I was fortunate to have three brothers in Christ who love me and were willing to give me time, support, encouragement and an occasional tongue lashing when it was needed to see this through. The problem with bitterness, it will pulls us from God's plan for our lives. When bitterness is part of our lives most of the time it is a reflection of our spiritual life. When bitterness, resentment, dislike, ill feelings, ill will, animosity, hatred, and hurtful thoughts to others I know what the issue is an unhealthy spiritual life. Finally if you don't deal with it correctly others will notice.
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